Why I Stopped Making My Son Say “Thank You” and “Sorry”

Parenting is a deeply personal journey, and every parent navigates it in their own unique way. For some, this path includes instilling certain social etiquettes like saying “thank you” and “sorry.” However, one mother, Emma, has decided to take a different approach with her 8-year-old son, Georgie. Her decision to refrain from forcing these phrases has sparked controversy, particularly with her husband and other parents.

Emma’s stance stems from her own upbringing in a strict household where manners were enforced rigorously. She grew up under parents who believed in instilling discipline through rules and expectations. However, this method left Emma with lingering anxiety and low self-esteem. She vowed not to repeat this pattern with her son.

Emma’s approach to parenting is centered on avoiding power struggles with her child. She doesn’t see herself as superior to Georgie, and although she maintains her authority, she doesn’t want to enforce rules in a way that could damage his self-worth. This philosophy led her to stop insisting that Georgie say “thank you” or “sorry” unless he truly felt those emotions.

The clash in parenting styles became apparent during an incident at a playground. Georgie pushed another child, and Emma did not force him to apologize. Instead, she approached the child’s mother and apologized on her son’s behalf. However, the other mother was not satisfied and insisted that Georgie himself should apologize. Emma stood her ground, explaining that she didn’t want to force her son to apologize if he didn’t genuinely feel remorse, as she believed that would only teach him to be insincere.

This incident led to criticism, not only from the other parent but also from her own husband, who believes that Georgie should learn to adhere to social norms and understand the consequences of his actions. Despite this, Emma remains firm in her belief that teaching her son by example, rather than by compulsion, is the better approach. She believes that if Georgie sees her expressing gratitude and apologizing when necessary, he will naturally adopt these behaviors in a sincere way.

However, Emma’s unconventional approach hasn’t come without its challenges. She admits that the criticism from those around her has caused her to question her parenting choices at times. Yet, she remains convinced that her method is yielding positive results for her son. She wants Georgie to learn that his feelings are valid and that he doesn’t have to compromise his own emotions to meet societal expectations.

The debate over whether to enforce these social courtesies is part of a larger conversation about parenting styles. Some parents, like Emma, advocate for a more empathetic and child-led approach, where the child’s emotional development is prioritized over conforming to societal norms. Others believe that teaching children to say “thank you” and “sorry” is crucial for their socialization and understanding of the world around them.

This discussion raises broader questions about the purpose of these phrases. Are they simply social niceties, or do they hold deeper meaning? For some, saying “thank you” is an expression of gratitude, while “sorry” is an acknowledgment of wrongdoing and an attempt to make amends. However, when these phrases are forced, do they lose their meaning and become mere formalities?

Emma’s approach suggests that these expressions should come from a place of genuine feeling rather than obligation. She hopes that by not forcing her son to say these things, he will learn to express them more authentically when he truly feels them. This method also encourages Georgie to understand and process his own emotions better, rather than simply parroting words to please others.

At the core of this debate is the question of how best to raise emotionally healthy and socially responsible children. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, as every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Emma’s story is a reminder that parenting is a complex and deeply personal process, and each parent must find the path that they believe is best for their child.

In conclusion, while Emma’s decision not to force her son to say “thank you” or “sorry” might be unconventional and even controversial, it is rooted in her desire to raise a child who is both emotionally healthy and authentic. Whether or not others agree with her approach, it is a testament to the diversity of parenting philosophies and the importance of allowing parents the freedom to choose the path that works best for their family.